i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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