How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
