Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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