She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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