it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
