I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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