Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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