The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
