her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
