College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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