I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
