Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize