I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
