He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize