But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
