Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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