go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
