I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
