let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize