Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
