My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
