Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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