I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
