Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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