i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
