1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My vagina is officially offended.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
