She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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