yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
