I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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