the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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