At least make sure they are 18
Why
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
