Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
