I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize