This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
