How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
