There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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