apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize