I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She bit a glass in half.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
