He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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