Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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