You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
