we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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