There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
