I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
