wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
