I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
