You're my little dorito
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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