did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
