What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
