How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i came on her dog
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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