i barfeds in our rink
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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