He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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