I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
