i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
