dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize