i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
