i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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