What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
