i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
