Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
