Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
