You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
