I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
