You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize