i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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