The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
