It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
