My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
