The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
