the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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