It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
