Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
