He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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