I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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