I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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