I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
