My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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