I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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