the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
