She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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