butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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