I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
