So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
