i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize