Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
