My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
