When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
