It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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