walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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