Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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