Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
