last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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