I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
