His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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