i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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