lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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