At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
