the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
