My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You took a bar mat shot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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