we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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