all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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