her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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