I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
