Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
