I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
