so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize