I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
