Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He better not be in your backpack
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
