They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
