I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
