Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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