Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
