there's paper in my vomit.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
