Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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